so I am sitting here trying to figure out why I remain a swarthy leech on my parents - please help if you figure something out here that I am not getting:
So, I didn’t have to work in highschool. just school my mom said, that ruled. I was in a band in my spare time, I loved it. Then, I went to college, got kicked out of my band, I cried. spent a year doing art and math but I skipped multi vector calculus after only taking AB calc. that was a mistake. that coupled with my new love of drinking made it such that I didn’t continue math - I did alright in proofs so I decided to be a philosophy major instead - focus on logic. I did FINE in philosophy but missed the fun part of my life. started up a band with hunter again but our third member didnt want to play with us after the second show - heartbreaking, I went back to focusing on visual art and philo. I finished my philosophy thesis and made a body of work which got me into pratt for my MFA.  Did a year of unpaid work at a gallery while waiting for pratt to start. didn’t work again while at pratt but got the best grades of my life. When I was in highschool, I spent many lunch breaks editing my own videos, I thought that would be the PERFECT way to make money. I took a month long class, though I had already familiarized myself with final cut, and then proceeded to work on two projects, for no pay since it was a “recession” 13 hour days, and was let go. I have NEVER been more demoralized and depressed in my life.  I turned down a spot being paid at the gallery because editing was EXACTLY what I had ALWAYS wanted to do.  It was PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT.  I took another unpaid internship at WNYC but my heart was SO broken after this unpaid situation. I stopped unpaid work altogether since it made me feel like shit and now don’t have a job. I am still trying to figure out where I went wrong, will you help me? I took a job working for my parents but after the taste of having EXACTLY what I wanted (my own place, a dog, and an editing job) I haven’t been able to recover from the loss. It was PERFECT. now my situation might be tenuous with my parents because I can hardly contain my frustration. I have become a slight lunatic.  I have to start drumming.   Giving up an ideal after having gotten to experience it is the hardest thing that I can imagine. I am doing that now. my life was PERFECT post grad school, editing, living in bushwick, having a dog. I don’t know if I will ever want anything else.